


Gluttony vs, Temperance

by greenmtwoman



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26782915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenmtwoman/pseuds/greenmtwoman
Summary: Tyrion introduces a new substance to Westeros.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister & Tyrion Lannister, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53
Collections: Jaime x Brienne Week 2020





	Gluttony vs, Temperance

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most ridiculous thing ever written.

Tyrion’s eyes were alight with glee. “I’m about to change life in Westeros as we know it!”

“You can’t _already_ be drunk at 8 in the morning.” Jaime yawned. It was too early for his brother’s manic enthusiasm.

“I’m drunk on _success_. Look at this.” Tyrion gestured expansively at the table.

“What is it?”

“What do you think it is?”

“Something brown, square, flat and shiny. A rock? Some kind of wood? Tile, that’s what it is.”

“And _I_ have obtained an _exclusive_ import license from the Summer Isles for the next _ten_ years.”

“You’re changing our lives by importing tile?”

“Father isn’t the only one who knows how to shit gold.”

“You’re importing shit? You _are_ drunk.”

Tyrion picked up the flat brown square and bit it.

“Gods! What are you doing?”

“Mmm.” An indecent expression of bliss crossed Tyrion’s mismatched features. “You have no idea, but you’re about to learn.”

***************************

“They call it chocolate.” The cabinets around the room were thrown open to display the contents.

“What’s this one?”

“A chocolate covered cherry. The sweetest thing I’ve tasted since…”

“I don’t want to hear the details of what you’ve tasted. I like this one, with raisins and nuts.” Jaime licked his fingers.

“What about this?”

“That looks like horse droppings.”

“It’s called chocolate ice cream. Frozen. You eat it with a spoon. Here.”

“Ohhh…”

“Leave some for me!” Their spoons clashed.

“Why are there different colors?”

"It depends on the concentration. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate. Bittersweet chocolate, semi-sweet chocolate, flavored chocolate. It’s made from beans, but a few other things are needed.” He handed over another square piece.

Jaime gagged. “That one's terrible! No one’s going to pay you for that!”

“Unsweetened chocolate for baking. No sugar in that one. Here, this will take away the taste. A glass of chocolate liqueur.”

“I’m sure that’s your favorite.”

“Drunk _and_ gluttonous. I find it’s an excellent combination.”

But _white_ chocolate? What’s the point of white chocolate? It tastes like candle wax.”

“I aim to supply all preferences.”

“You’re the Littlefinger of chocolate.”

“Chocolate will be more profitable than whores! Men, women and children will all crave it. Mix it with milk and doddering ancients will drink it. Babes at the breast will prefer it to mother’s milk. But speaking of whores, imagine licking this syrup off a girl’s…”

“Unlike you, I prefer to keep my imaginings to myself.”

***********************************

Brienne’s pale head appeared around the door, followed by the rest of her solid body. “Jaime, where have you been? You were due in the training yard almost an hour ago.”

“No. Ugh.”

“Are you sick? What’s that all over your face?”

“Kiss me and find out.”

“Certainly not! Tyrion, what have you done to him?”

“Why would you assume it’s my fault?" Tyrion put on an innocent face and Brienne frowned at him. "Oh, very well – I’ve introduced Jaime to a new form of debauchery.” He belched heartily.

“This room is full of… brown things,” said Brienne dubiously.

Jaime got to his feet, his face slightly green. “This room is full of earthly delights, my lady, of which my brother and I invite you to partake.”

“Not if I’ll end up looking the way you do.”

“We may have partaken excessively. It’s called _chocolate_.”

“You resemble five-year-olds who have gotten into the honeycakes.”

“I believe I need a nap. If you’ll be so kind…” His elaborate bow would have been more effective if he hadn’t grimaced and pressed a hand to his belly.

“You _are_ five years old. I suppose you want me to tuck you in.”

“I can think of worse things. Right now, attempting to swing a sword would be _much_ worse.”

“Come on, then. I’ll tell everyone that Ser Jaime has eaten too many sweets – these are sweets, I take it – and is sick to his poor tummy.”

“Just one thing first.” He holds it out.

“Is that a strawberry?”

“A strawberry dipped in chocolate from the Summer Isles.”

***********************************

“Jaime?” There was a brown smudge on Brienne's cheek and a dreamy expression in her eyes.

“Mmm?”

“Can we take some of these back to our room?”

**Author's Note:**

> It's not fair for there to be no chocolate in Westeros!


End file.
